A Beautiful Consequence

Taking the leap to share this blog was certainly one of the greatest acts of courage and displays of vulnerability that I have taken so far. The love and support I have received from doing so has moved me more than I could ever hope to express through mere words. Beyond this, I have noticed something else powerful happening. It seems that this act of opening up has created more space for other people’s vulnerability, and inspired more sharing, and connecting on a deeper level.

Realizing the beautiful consequences of creating such space, has in turn allowed me to be more aware of opportunities to create and experience that space in other areas of my life. Last night I was lucky enough to watch experience a dance performance; it was a true demonstration of how beautiful vulnerability (and the courage behind it) can be, and it moved me to tears. I am so grateful to the artist for sharing it with me, and am so happy I was able to experience it from a space where I was able to appreciate the depths of its beauty.

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My reaction to the idea of sharing in the past has been that it is selfish and wrong, I felt this need to pull back and shut my mouth in order not to burden others. A big part of my vulnerability practice has been fighting that urge and quieting those voices. The more times I push past this, the more open my eyes become.. and I’m starting to see what’s really there. What I imagined would be a very individual process has become something much more expansive.

It seems that the more you open yourself up, the more you give everyone around you the space to do the same. Your authenticity becomes a sign to the world that “Yes, you can bring your true self here, it’s safe”. You not only give people permission through your actions, it seems that you in fact encourage them too.

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I used to think the best way to support others was by telling them that they can open up, while I stayed a closed book. I thought it was about being quiet and ready to listen – until I opened my mouth. Never in my life have I felt so trusted, and received such openness from people about their stories and emotions then I have by showing my own vulnerability first.

The connection that grows in this space is beautiful, and bearing witness to other people’s acts of vulnerability and courage is incredibly inspiring. There’s really nothing quite like connecting with someone as your most authentic selves. I didn’t understand this until I felt it, and it has significantly changed my life.

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I urge you all to explore (or continue exploring) your own practice of authenticity and create this space – I’m sure you’ll be amazed at what grows there.

 

Going All In

When I was setting up my website, I started with the “About Me” page. I started by writing about the details of my life, the nitty gritty of what lead me to transform my life, and then I reconsidered. Thoughts rushed through my head; “Maybe I don’t want people to know that much about me”, “Who knows who will end up reading this”, and my all time favourite, “People don’t want to hear this”. So I started over, writing about the good things that have come out of the transformation process for me, what I’m focused on now, the end goals, and the reasons I believe they are worth striving for. All rainbows and unicorns, nothing to make a reader uncomfortable, it’s all smiles here.

Then it came time to write my first blog post and I put this off for days weeks, telling myself it was because I couldn’t figure out what to start writing about. I looked over my main goals (in my life, as well as ideas I hope to focus on in this blog); authenticity, practicing vulnerability, tribe, connection, mindfulness, living my values. So I started to write, but I stopped myself. “Wait, I can’t include that, I decided not to include those personal details”. I heard it as soon as the words left my mouth. Before even starting my blog I had already strayed from my values, already lost sight of what it was really about, doing the exact opposite of what I was writing – out of fear. I had convinced myself that I just didn’t know what I wanted to start writing; but no wonder I couldn’t write, how do you write a blog about authenticity without being authentic?

I sat back and stared at the front page, “It’s time to emerge from our caves and own who we are”. How did I ever expect to write about this stuff while I hide in my cave, only pretending to be a dragon?

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It was clear. I had to commit to going all in. If I was going to do this, I had to own my stories, own who I am. Not hide away, not censor the details that leave me vulnerable. Not assume what the readers want to hear. If I am committed to live as a dragon, I cannot write from a place of fear.

And so, I’m jumping in head first. I’m still afraid. Terrified, actually (cue the eye twitch). But it also feels powerful, liberating, and exciting.

First lesson learned.. Turns out living as a dragon isn’t as simple as picking a domain name.

 

I’m proud to say I’ve added My Journey  (be warned- it’s not a quick read).