I think I live inside my head less. It’s a calmer existence, but my fuck is it ever making writing harder. When I was alone, the only conversations I was having was with myself. My time was spent connecting to the noise, creating it, or quieting it down. I had a lot to say about it because I spent a lot of time there. Now, for better or worse (I like to believe there can always be a balance, even when it comes to getting caught in thinking traps :P), I haven’t been living inside my head as much since I returned from paradise.
I’ve been really engaged with life and the “doing” aspects of living. I’ve also been reading and listening to more of Michael Neill and connecting to the ideas of essence of being and the belief that it is beyond thought. Very similar to the observer stance in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, the idea is that from this place you can see thoughts as thoughts, and you understand that they aren’t powerful, directive, truths, or really anything you have to worry your pretty little head over, and they sure as fuck do not have to stand in your way. Now, living with this front and centre has lead to me not giving many fucks about my thoughts (though I’ve still had many). By not investing in them I’ve had an easier time lately just being, which is a nicer place to spend time, but a harder place to write from.
I know I want to write more about my experience of Costa Rica, and explore living a Pura Vida life even when I’m not there. But for now, it can wait. This is something else I’m learning through my new understanding of myself and life – that things must wait until they are ready. That we can understand and accept that we don’t know the answer; that we won’t know until we know, and that we can trust that at sometime we will know and then we’ll know. Not to push it, not to struggle. Of course I don’t mean we don’t try to figure things out on our own or brainstorm or anything like that. What I mean is, if we really don’t know, we don’t force it. And we don’t struggle with it.
When reading “The Space Within” by Michael Neill I was introduced to the idea that our productiveness/creativity/performance is not something we have to go after to access, but instead, something that is always there and all we have to do is reduce the distractions.
“performance = capacity – interference; In other words, when we eliminate interference, we perform closer to our full capacity.”Michael Neill (The Space Within)
This is something I can apply to my business as well as my writing. Struggling to make an idea come up, or forcing yourself to try to write something particular, is simply not a way to access it. Instead, let it be. Accept you don’t know yet, that no ideas have come up yet, and that the quieter and more accepting of it just being there unwritten, and unknown, is the best way to ensure the ideas will be created. As a doer, an over-thinker, and an obsessive list maker – I find this one challenging. And yet, it’s so unbelievably freeing when I remember its’ truth.
As the Beatles said… (sorry, not sorry for getting this stuck in your head)
“Let it be. Let it be. Let it be. Oh, let it be. There will be an answer, let it be.”