My life is weird.
Okay, life is just weird period. I know that. But my life feels weirder than usual right now.
It’s been a month to the day that I moved out of my house and I’m sitting here trying to wrap my head around moving again next week. I was just starting to feel a bit settled and I feel a little like I’m ripping a newly laid blanket of some sense of comfort and familiarity right from under myself.
Emotions aside, the logistics alone exhaust me. Not just getting there, but figuring out how I’m going to manage this on my own – all rested on my entrepreneurial shoulders. And yet, I have this weird confidence that it will work out – that I will MAKE it work.
I’ve said it before, but apparently doing hard things really is my thing. I haven’t stopped doing hard things, and I must say I’m getting more comfortable with just going for it. The fact that things are hard, or the thought of “This is, That’s, or It’s Hard” is nothing more than an observation now. It’s not an indicator that it can’t be done, or that I won’t keep doing it. I hear it now and think “yep, it is, carry on”.
It’s been a matter of days from knowing I need to find a place to booking a date to move next week. Figuring it all out has been hard. It is hard. But here I am figuring it out, even when it feels like I can’t. Because it might feel like I can’t, but I know I will. And the will is all those cant’s are ever talking about anyway.
If the whole weirdness of yet another new home and community wasn’t enough weird, the place I’m moving to doesn’t even have a kitchen! And somehow this is me moving forward. The thought alone makes me laugh to myself. Like, I’m actually sitting here on my bed, in the middle of the night, laughing to myself. On what planet should this actually be an indicator that I’m moving forward? How is this not a million steps back? How weird is my life right now that this is good, that this is progress? That, as weird as it is, this actually makes me happy! How quickly things can change.
It still fascinates me how I can feel like such a disastrous mess of a human being at the same time as feeling stronger and more confident in my own tenacity and grit than ever. I’m going to figure this out. I am figuring it out.
It’s a funny thing about my new home to be. It’s weird – one room (besides the bathroom) and no kitchen. That’s fucking weird. But here’s the thing, I’ve realized why it makes me grin like a weirdo. It’s unique. It’s a challenge. It excites me. It’s an opportunity to use my creativity. An opportunity to rise to the challenge and make it work – or (I’m hoping) – make it awesome.
Weird intrigues me. I almost feel like it might be where I rise the most – where I get the most from- where I belong. It gives space to not be ordinary; and when you have space to not be ordinary it leaves space for whatever you really are.
Daydreaming about the possibilities, of what it could be, feeds me. I’m using this weird opportunity to create something – something for the weirdo I am. Apparently I find breaking social conventions pretty exciting.. Okay, so maybe this isn’t news to me. 🙂
I actually love the fact that I can say “my new home doesn’t have a kitchen” without wallowing or feeling depressed, and instead feel excitement as I rise to the challenge with a sense of mischief. I think it speaks to all the work I’ve done; the strength I’ve gained, the perseverance I’ve proven, but more than all of that – how much I can now embrace who I really am. Even when I’m the weirdo who gets fired up over the lack of appliances.