A few days ago I was beyond myself; fed up with winter, fed up with the journeys my attention was taking deep in the realms of my mind. It was a sunny day with the promise of spring; however, the air was crisp and the wind sent chills to the bone- reminding us that winter hasn’t given up yet.
The unexpected chill was disappointing..or more like infuriating. I drove to one of my favourite summer spots nonetheless. After a few unsuccessful minutes of trying to stay present by looking at the trees from my car window, I kicked off my boots and socks, leaped out of the car, and stood on the damp ground. I walked down to the water’s edge, dodging the piles of snow,
but and many times ending up in the frigid puddles that emerged from them. Hope; fucking cold hope, but and hope no less. My feet were freezing, but and I could still feel the warmth of connection from the earth. I don’t know what it is about being barefoot that creates that bond; in my experience nothing can beat it.. (okay, maybe going barefoot while hugging a tree ;)).
“It’s too cold to be here, but I’m too cold not to be.” Clarity. Standing here; chilled and warmed. Connected. I soak in every sensation this moment offers. I can feel it. Relief. Thank you feet.
I’ve been spending a lot of time away from the present lately. The dragon has been doing lots of time travelling, with good intentions,
but and I’ve realized it’s causing me to feel less grounded and present. I’m also partly blaming winter.
My past has been hijacking my mind; a necessary evil of personal growth and byproduct of undoing the damage of a lifetime of avoidance. Though necessary, it is draining and painful. It’s difficult to lean into things that happened long ago,
but and once in your awareness, it’s tricky not to get stuck there.
When I’m not entrenched in the past, I’ve been reaching for the future. Seeking out those escapes; imagining my dreams being a reality and planning how to make that happen. Now, I’m not saying this is a bad thing. I’m actually quite impressed how I’m using this drive to change my life and actually going for it when it comes to creating the life I truly want. At the same time, the urgency and desperation that I’ve been feeling makes it hard not to get lost in the daydreams. It makes it challenging to stay in the present and be satisfied with life as it is now.
With all of this going on I’ve been letting my meditation practice slip. Mindfulness hasn’t been part of my daily routine..pretty hard to be mindful when you are living in the past or future. A friend recently told me of her desire to re-do the ‘Live Where Your Feet Are’ challenge (a challenge put on through Mindful Dragon last March) and asked if I’d like to join her. Her timing couldn’t have been better.
I decided to run the challenge again; thinking that it is probably more than the two of us who could use a refresher on how to bring mindfulness into their daily routine. The daily challenges will be posted on our Facebook group if you’d like to take part (or I can send them to your email if you prefer- just message me below). My hope is that we can learn (or re-learn) together to bring mindfulness into our everyday. Day 1 is tomorrow!
It’s clear to me how important these mindfulness practices are for my well being. I want to continue on my time travelling journeys (at least the productive ones),
but and I need to get grounded and find the balance between here and there.
With my feet planted back on the ground.
BUT OUT! You may have noticed a lot of crossed out buts in this post. I’m starting a new technique to get rid of this dialogue.. changing every BUT to AND. Holding space for both. Not letting our language reinforce the resistance we face when holding two (or more) ideas. Not needing one idea to negate the other.
But And I’m leaving them in there (at least for now) to bring awareness to how often we struggle with this, to see right before our eyes the change we are making, and to feel the difference it makes. I encourage you all to BUT OUT with me!