I knew this week would be a challenge at work, and although I was feeling far from dragon-y this week, I did manage to coax the dragon to a meeting where I presented information about an unwelcome change. I have been better at being a dragon at work over the last year, but prior to that I was one pro-looking mouse, so it’s no wonder that some people found my dragon-stance a bit shocking.
My first reaction was to beat myself up, assuming I did something wrong because of the response I received. I was back to obsessing; “If I had only done better, it would have gone better.” But the fact is, I spoke the truth (even though my voice shook) and they simply didn’t want to hear it – I can’t own their response, that’s their stuff. A valuable lesson that
I’ve learned I’m learning is that we are not responsible for managing other people’s emotions, and we shouldn’t be trying to.
I’m proud of myself for being a dragon even when it wasn’t easy. (Yay for commit stage – See here for more info on the stages of the readiness for change by Dr. E. A. Wilson: Wish-Want-Commit) Dealing with the consequences of doing so have been challenging though because I still struggle with wanting everyone’s approval, needing to make everyone happy, feeling unsafe when others are upset, fearing rejection, and the list goes on. It certainly helped me understand why I was a mouse for so long and why it’s so easy to get stuck in that role. However, by being a dragon and facing these consequences head on, and persevering, it has helped me challenge those beliefs and move past those fears. From this experience alone I already feel more secure with the idea of people being upset with me, and less like I need approval from everyone to keep my worth. It’s empowering to even entertain the idea that my worth could be unshaken by external forces, and I would never be moving in this direction had I kept my mouth shut.
The dragon life is hard work, but nibbling on cheese never got me close to flying.