Prying up Floorboards and Rebuilding the Puzzle

Lately things are feeling shaky. Some days I feel solid, other days I can barely keep my balance. It’s made me curious about how I can go from feeling stronger than ever, to lower than I have in a long time, in a matter of days..or hours. By leaning into this with curiosity I think I’ve had some insight.

puzzle

 

I am a puzzle.

Before my puzzle seemed complete but it didn’t make a pretty picture.
I always believed this was because my puzzle was inherently defective.
Now that I’ve looked closer I can see pieces jammed in the wrong spots.
Maybe it’s not a defective puzzle but a poorly constructed one.
Once you see the faults its uncomfortable to just leave them.
So I deconstruct.
Piece by piece I take it apart.
I’m now only a partly put together puzzle.
It’s terrifying to feel so undone.
But I have the sight and tools to build it better now.
To make the pretty picture that’s been there all along.
I’m still far from complete.
But the pieces that are in place feel more solid than ever before.

rebuild

In order to rebuild, we must first deconstruct. We need to be willing to dig deep if we want to see real change. This means being willing to see things you’ve been ignoring and others you didn’t even know were there. What I’ve realized lately is that there are things I didn’t just sweep under the rug – I tore up the floorboards, stuffed it in, nailed it down, covered that up with a rug, and walked away. Since I’m committed to see this life transformation thing through, it’s clearly time to pry up floorboards.

floorboards

The problem is this in between. I’m partly undone, while part of me is built stronger than ever. It can be great, it can be horrible; it is unstable and uncomfortable. But it is necessary.

I guess this makes sense why some days I feel I’m on solid ground while other times the ground shakes beneath me. In this moment I am both solid and broken.

The whole self transformation process has dug up more than I ever expected when I picked up the shovel. But I like to believe these pieces only come apart when we have the strength to endure it and the ability to rebuild.

I am a puzzle.

But I am not just falling apart. I am deconstructing. I am rebuilding.

15 thoughts on “Prying up Floorboards and Rebuilding the Puzzle”

  1. Beautifully expressed, my friend! It takes such strength, courage, and determination to pry up those floorboards and let the inside see the light of day. YOU are the light of day. No one has a puzzle that is fully put together.. all we can do is take one breathe at a time, one step at a time, and one piece of the puzzle at a time <3

  2. Beautifully written, everyone is indeed a Work in Progress. You inspire me to recognize that we all have puzzle pieces that need adjustment or placement and to feel compassion for those hard at work.

  3. Right here with you, friend. The parallels are quite remarkable actually, so don’t feel like you’re the only puzzle in pieces around here!

    1. It’s not an easy place to be, but we have to remember that everything is temporary and that the pain is worth it. Just think of how beautiful and solid our puzzles will be 🙂

  4. As always, your writing provides such insight and feels so relatable as well. I am excited to see how your process of deconstruction and construction goes. Its so much work to look inwards into yourself, and what your puzzle pieces are. I don’t even know where to begin sometimes. 🙂

  5. I love this piece….the deconstruction including the floor boards as well as the places of both strength and vulnerability. The imagery of the puzzle so brilliant. Taking out the pieces that don’t really fit to replace the spaces with the pieces that do all within the context of an ongoing process. So well done and moving! Thank you for your bravery in sharing.

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