Going All In

When I was setting up my website, I started with the “About Me” page. I started by writing about the details of my life, the nitty gritty of what lead me to transform my life, and then I reconsidered. Thoughts rushed through my head; “Maybe I don’t want people to know that much about me”, “Who knows who will end up reading this”, and my all time favourite, “People don’t want to hear this”. So I started over, writing about the good things that have come out of the transformation process for me, what I’m focused on now, the end goals, and the reasons I believe they are worth striving for. All rainbows and unicorns, nothing to make a reader uncomfortable, it’s all smiles here.

Then it came time to write my first blog post and I put this off for days weeks, telling myself it was because I couldn’t figure out what to start writing about. I looked over my main goals (in my life, as well as ideas I hope to focus on in this blog); authenticity, practicing vulnerability, tribe, connection, mindfulness, living my values. So I started to write, but I stopped myself. “Wait, I can’t include that, I decided not to include those personal details”. I heard it as soon as the words left my mouth. Before even starting my blog I had already strayed from my values, already lost sight of what it was really about, doing the exact opposite of what I was writing – out of fear. I had convinced myself that I just didn’t know what I wanted to start writing; but no wonder I couldn’t write, how do you write a blog about authenticity without being authentic?

I sat back and stared at the front page, “It’s time to emerge from our caves and own who we are”. How did I ever expect to write about this stuff while I hide in my cave, only pretending to be a dragon?

johnstewart

It was clear. I had to commit to going all in. If I was going to do this, I had to own my stories, own who I am. Not hide away, not censor the details that leave me vulnerable. Not assume what the readers want to hear. If I am committed to live as a dragon, I cannot write from a place of fear.

And so, I’m jumping in head first. I’m still afraid. Terrified, actually (cue the eye twitch). But it also feels powerful, liberating, and exciting.

First lesson learned.. Turns out living as a dragon isn’t as simple as picking a domain name.

 

I’m proud to say I’ve added My Journey  (be warned- it’s not a quick read).